Animal Jokes That Are Really Funny

Animal Jokes

Animal Jokes

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?

A: Take away his credit card!

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Q: Why do you bring fish to a party?

A: Because it goes good with chips.

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Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?

A: The price of bacon would go up.

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Q: How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

A: Take away his shovel!

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Q: What did the frog say when he heard “time flies when you are having fun?”

A: Time is fun when you’re having flies!

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Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

A: It gave a little wine!

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Q: Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

A: To hide in a bag of M&M’s.

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

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Q: Where do fish keep their money?

A: In a river bank!

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Q: What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A: A woolen jumper!

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Q: What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

A: Glass flippers.

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Q: Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

A: Catfish

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Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

A: He felt funny.

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Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A: A phew.

PIMPING RIDES

If you don't know what pimping a ride is, basically it means to fix up a car. So, you'd think that it would be a paint job, overhaul the engine, some new tires -- no, not on MTV. 'Cause on MTV, when we pimp your ride, what we do is we take this piece of sh*t car and put in all this unnecessary crap that should never be in a car. We got a Play Station in your steering wheel; we got smoke machines in the speakers; we got "Rubber Ducky" shooting out of the exhaust pipe!

Funny Cat Jokes For Kids And Parents

Funny Cat Jokes For Kids And Parents

Animal joke 

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. 

She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. 

To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. 

She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, 

"Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

The Only 10 Cat Puns You Will Ever Need

The Only 10 Cat Puns You Will Ever Need

Corny animal jokes

Q: What did the alien say to the cat? 

A: Take me to your litter. 

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar? 

A: A sourpuss! 

Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army? 

A: They both wear stripes! 

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? 

A: A stripey sweater! 

Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas? 

A: Because he has sandy claws! 

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? 

A: 'Pleased to eat you.'! 

Q: Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? 

A: Just kitten. 

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? 

A: Frostbite! 

Q: What is a French cat's favorite pudding? 

A: Chocolate mousse! 

Q: What looks like half a cat? 

A: The other half! 

DECONSTRUCTING LITTLE JOHNNY

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly.
The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him.

Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is.... fluctuation."
The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's sucks! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging a**hole you are!"