Dingo--Funny Cat Jokes

Dingo 

One day a lady took a dingo to the veterinarian.

The doctor looked at the dingo and shook his head.

 "I'm sorry your dingo is dead" said the doctor.

"How could you be so sure" the lady said. So the man left the room and come back with a labrodore retriever. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the dingo and shook its head.

The doctor left the room again and come back with a cat.

The cat also sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor said that the dingo was 100% dead.

With the lady still in shock, the doctor handed the bill to the lady. "$400, why $400?".

The doctor replied "If you had've believed me first it would of been $60".

"But why still" the lady insists. To which the doctor says "Because you had a lab report and a cat scan!"

Bee Jokes--Funny Cat Jokes, Animal Jokes

Bee Jokes

Q: What do you call a bee that prefers nectar to pollen? 
A: Snob-Bee. 

Q: What does the bee Santa Claus say? 
A: Ho hum hum! 

Q: Why do bees hum? 
A: Because they've forgotten the words! 

Q: What kind of bees hum and drop things? 
A: A fumble bee! 

Q: What did the bee say to the flower? 
A: Hello honey! 

Q: What's a bees favorite flower? 
A: A bee-gonias! 

Q: What do you call a bee who single handedly defended the colony from a wasp attack? 
A: Not to shab-bee. 

Q: What did the confused bee say? 
A: To bee or not to bee! 

Q: What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? 
A: A Frisbee. 

Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport? 
A: Wait at a buzz stop! 

Q: What do you give a bee on the first day of class? 
A: A Sylla-buzz. 

Q: How does a bee get to class? 
A: On the school-buzz. 

Q: What is a bees favorite shape? 
A: A Rhom-buzz, of course. 

Q: Why do bees hummm? 
A: They forget the words to the song. 

Q: What do you call a bee explorer? 
A: Christopher Colum-buzz. 

Q: What do you call a bee you can't share secrets with? 
A: a blab-bee. 

Old Cat Lady--Funny Cat Jokes

Old Cat Lady 

It was Christmas Eve. A poor old lady was sitting alone, except for her cat, in her tiny house, in front of a small fire. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and the old woman's good fairy appeared in the room. The old woman was astonished, but the fairy reassured her: "Don't be afraid! I am your good fairy. You are very poor, and all alone at Christmas, so I have come to grant you three wishes, to cheer you up." 

The old woman was about to speak, but the fairy held up her hand. "Wait!" she said. "Before you make a wish, think carefully! You will get exactly what you wish for, and no wish can be undone!" So the old woman sat silently, staring at the fire and thinking. 

Eventually, she spoke: "First", she said, "I want to be very, very wealthy." Poof! Immediately, the tiny house was packed with pots full of gold coins, and sacks of bank-notes. There was more money than anyone could spend in an entire lifetime. 

The old woman looked around and smiled. She thought some more, and spoke again: "Next", she said, "I want to be young and beautiful again, like I was when I was 18." Poof! The old woman disappeared. In her place sat a beautiful young woman, with smooth, white skin and long, golden hair. The woman looked at her hands and arms, felt her hair, and smiled. "Third", she said to the fairy, 

"I want you to change my cat into a handsome young prince, who will love me and take care of me all my life!" Poof! The fairy disappeared, and the cat leapt up from his place by the fire as a handsome young prince. 

He reached out to the woman, pulled her to her feet, embraced her, and kissed her passionately. Then he gazed into her eyes and said: "Hah! Now you're really going to be sorry that you took me to the vet!" 

Gorilla Jokes--Funny Cat Jokes

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. 

As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. 

Gorilla Jokes

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. 

Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "Fuck you! " in gorilla language. 

The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge. 

The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. 

Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn. 

Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. 

Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. 

Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. 

The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid."

Top Ten Reasons--Funny Cat Jokes

Top Ten Reasons 

Cute animal jokes

Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats 

1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap. 

2. Cats look silly on a leash. 

3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place. 

4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born. 

5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.

 6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers. 

7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all. 

8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you. 

9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain. 

10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly  sneak out the back door. 

Old Cat Lady--Funny Cat Jokes

Old Cat Lady

 It was Christmas Eve. 

A poor old lady was sitting alone, except for her cat, in her tiny house, in front of a small fire. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and the old woman's good fairy appeared in the room. 

The old woman was astonished, but the fairy reassured her:

 "Don't be afraid! I am your good fairy. You are very poor, and all alone at Christmas, so I have come to grant you three wishes, to cheer you up." 

The old woman was about to speak, but the fairy held up her hand.

 "Wait!" she said. 

"Before you make a wish, think carefully! You will get exactly what you wish for, and no wish can be undone!"

 So the old woman sat silently, staring at the fire and thinking. 

Eventually, she spoke: "First", she said, 

"I want to be very, very wealthy." 

Poof! Immediately, the tiny house was packed with pots full of gold coins, and sacks of bank-notes. 

There was more money than anyone could spend in an entire lifetime. 

The old woman looked around and smiled. She thought some more, and spoke again: 

"Next", she said, 

"I want to be young and beautiful again, like I was when I was 18." Poof! The old woman disappeared. 

In her place sat a beautiful young woman, with smooth, white skin and long, golden hair. 

The woman looked at her hands and arms, felt her hair, and smiled. "Third", she said to the fairy, 

"I want you to change my cat into a handsome young prince, who will love me and take care of me all my life!" 

Poof! The fairy disappeared, and the cat leapt up from his place by the fire as a handsome young prince. 

He reached out to the woman, pulled her to her feet, embraced her, and kissed her passionately. Then he gazed into her eyes and said:

 "Hah! Now you're really going to be sorry that you took me to the vet!" 

Color--Funny Cat Jokes

Color

Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer? 
A: To keep an eye on the mouse! 

Q: What is the most breathless thing on television? 
A: The Pink Panter Show! 

Q: What did the cat say when he lost his toys? 
A: You got to be kitten me. 

Q: What is a cat's favorite color? 
A: Purrrple! 

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo? 
A: A stripey jumper! 

Q: What do you get if you cross a chick with an alley cat? 
A: A peeping tom. 

Q: What did the alien say to the cat?
 A: Take me to your litter. 

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar? 
A: A sourpuss! 

Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army? 
A: They both wear stripes! 

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? 
A: A stripey sweater! 

Cat Joke--Funny Cat Jokes

Cat Joke

  Let's read Funny Jokes about Animal Jokes, Animal fun

Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?

A: A catacomb!

Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?

A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!

Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?

A: Shredded tweet!

Q: Why do tomcats fight?

A: Because they like raising a stink!

Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?

A: They are both ginger nuts!

Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?

A: A catameringue!

Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?

A: A caterpillar!

Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?

A: A Peking Tom!